I dedicate this journal to my family who support me no matter what
Sioux (me) is part of the Kent Creative Social Journal #KentCreativeSocialJournal project on Facebook and Instagram an idea by Nathalie Banaigs. I will be eternally grateful to her for this.
Strangely I started April 1st not even knowing the date. I wanted each page to represents a day, a pictorial diary. I started this with good intent and such excitement and hope that I could publish my work daily. I am not good at showcasing my own work or doing daily FB projects normally. But I was happy and ready to experiment and have fun again. I had wanted to make and create properly again for a long time. I always put it off and said it was because I never had the time – or so I thought. We have now been given time. And what happened.? “…………..
Emotional turmoil. I can’t describe the feelings I have had, so the journal is doing it for me. I have taken to double writing with a fountain pen and pink ink, writing about my feelings and what is really happening to me, then writing over them again and again with more of my inner stuff so no one not even me can read them again. It has been a release an out pouring. The images are not pre determined – they are just allowed to happen. I am just letting my emotional sub conscious choose the medium, colours and style. No thought process as such, free thinking, mini exercises, I am taking tiny steps to recovery. It also seems to happen very quickly and is very messy! and strangely reassuring and calming.
Day 5 family stuff happened – Time flies and my anxiety levels sky high. Everything seems so shallow and meaningless. I really miss them all. I need some perspective to life. Can’t do this in public anymore. Came off facebook
Day 15 my journal broke! The spine came undone and all the pages fell out – I cried
Day 26 after 15 years Colin is teaching me to carve. He has always been my rock! I really do Love this man.
Day 30 I have survived April and finished the journey. Last page is called Gold Star!
Noticed the page images have a connection to nature, my family and colour. Each page is made of bits from my special waste paper box. My journal was bought along time ago in a charity shop it’s made from bamboo paper which is not ideal to draw on but actually added to this project. I have even found the perfect box for it to live in which I will decorate at a later date. This is now My ultimate recycle, upcycle, reuse, repurpose project…… Myself. I am weirdly feeling more relaxed and content, less anxious, stressful and more positive. We can be our worst enemy and our worst critic.
Thank you Nathalie for this opportunity, for the idea and kindness of the group, plus the perspective on my life that this project has bought to me. Art and creativity are such an important and intricate element in our lives.
Will I press the button to publish this ………………..